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thursday 12th march 2009 - close contact

I had been toying with the idea for some time now.

When I first moved to New York, I would at various points (and usually when sitting down) take my glasses off. And keep them off for a long period of time.
Now of course I could not see a thing. But I would somehow figure in my head, that it was way better than the alternative. Wearing glasses. Something that I have done since and around the age of 7.

I Have had various shapes and sizes, and gone through all the regular turmoils of many a glasses wearer, I won't recap them all , but if you wear glasses then you for sure will know what I'm talking about ("Can I try those on?" , "Are they real?"...and the almighty touch of the lens... few live to tell the tale).

When I started high school. I was already feeling the slight disdain from having metal on my face. I wasn't un popular, by any means, I did play football and basketball.. but I was also playing the cello, chess, magic : the gathering and sucking a whole lot at cricket. I was also slightly spotty (not acne ridden) and sported a somewhat High top Jerry curl...


I made a decision to not wear my glasses.
Surprisingly for how blind I was/am I lasted for quite some time! Although various things in my life had to slowly adjust, for example, The bus stop at the top of my road where I would have to get the bus to go to school, was one of those stops where busses would only stop there if you put your hand out.. but only one of the 6 buses that took that route went to my school.
But, if I was to walk 5 minutes more to the University Bus Stop, all buses stop there automatically...
Gradually though, this walk deteriorated entirely which led to me skateboarding to school, which then led to truancy, which is a completely different story... but going back..
I did grow tired of this, and realise the stupidity of my ways, and went back to wearing glasses in time to finish school... but alas, the hatred never died inside of me.

September 2008.
I've just arrived in New York... and have made the decision to finally be done with these metal face hearses and plunge into the depths of eye-touching. Something has terrified me from getting contact lenses on many occasions...
But the day I think to myself, i'm going to make my first step. I am introduced to a store which, as luck would have it.. had really great cheap glasses.. I fold again... and put the thought of touching my eyes out of my mind for good... or so it seemed..

Two weekends ago.. the sunday to be precise. I wake up. It's about 7:00 am. I'm lying spread across my bed, having just walked in passed out of tiredness... and I have this urge inside of me. As had happened on countless occasions I had falling asleep with my glasses on. I walked towards the mirror.. take my glasses of in an over the top manner.. and look for my opticians card... (I had to put my glasses back on to do this, obviously).

I make my way to china town..waltz right through the doors... and declare..

"I would like some contact lenses".

I'll spare you the form filling and test sagas and skip right up until the moment, the young assistant, had to touch my eye. And i'm sitting in this chair.. (which just so happens to be by the counter and in front of everyone in the store) and i'm thinking to myself..
What am I doing!? This is a horrible idea. But I can't go back at all. This is it..

Done. I have contacts in my eyes. For the first time in my entire 23 years of living...

I freak out.. I ask the assistant a million and one questions, whilst my eyes are wide open and i'm too scared to close them.. then I hear a voice..

"Ok, now you take them out.."


He then demonstrates on his own eyes what I am meant to do. I try and do it.. it takes about 10 minutes. I can tell he is losing his patience with me.. and luckily my embarrassment kicks my hands into overdrive and I take out the lens.


"Now put it back in.."


Another 15 minutes go by, this time round he does lose his patience and practically shouts at me, albeit with a hint of mocking laughter.

And i'm done. Time to walk out the door. I trip on the step.

If this is how everyone sees the world I don't know if i'm down with this. I then spend the next few hours walking around Manhattan touching walls and trying not to look down when I cross roads, I realised early on that looking down spells sudden doom for my equilibrium.

I head home. Feeling like the girl that just got a boob job that keeps knocking them into doors.. i should have stayed a duckling.

Hours pass and I'm still wearing the lenses in the comfort of my apartment., when I realise that I'm late to meet my friend Aisha of whom i'm going to see "He's Just Not That Into You" with... ( Justin Long is the second coming)..

I quickly run to the bathroom, knowing that watching a movie in my contacts on the first day of receiving them, is definitely not a great idea... 5 minutes left to go meet Aisha at the train stop.

I can't do it.
I swear to god, they're stuck to my eyes. I freak, the fuck, out.
No matter what do, they're not coming out, I'm now late.. a million thoughts running through mind.. including the amount of money I had just spent on these items that might be the catalyst in me scratching my cornea!!

I collapse in a heap on the bathroom floor. Game over.. finally, I decide to give it one last go.. all or nothing..

I eventually get them out.

Put them in the container. And hide them far and deep in the corner of my room.
To expand on my earlier metaphor... I felt like I had just got a boob job and one of them turned green.

Never Again!

tuesday 10th march 2009 - antlanta

It's the perfect opening scene to a movie that would play at the King Charles (That I'd most likely go and see)..

I'm currently sitting, sweating somewhat (but from Japanese food, rather than heat, although it is quite warm), in my boxers, on the corner of a bed, in a small boxed hotel room in the middle of Atlanta. Every 20 or so seconds I have to swipe/swat away an ant or two from my leg/back/arm/laptop keyboard/bed due to an ant infestation that may or may not be coming through the broken Air Con machine next to me...
My laptop is going all kinda of crazy right now, a fallout of which means that my itunes is completely frozen, and to fix it would mean to re-start, which as of now I am terrified to do so... now due to such circumstances, the unlikely soundtrack for this turn of events is the Vince Guaraldi Trio soundtrack to "A Charlie Brown Christmas".

So, to recap. I'm sitting with a stomach ache in my boxers in a hotel in the middle of Atlanta in an ant infested room listening to Jazz Christmas songs... the hilariousness of the situation is stopping me from crying. Half Joke.

I haven't showered in a few days actually, I'm scared to.. the bathtub is orange/brown and the shower head has spots of hard white substances similar to that of acne puss, suspended from it's holes.

The reason I'm in Atlanta is because i'm laying down vocals for the new record at the producers studio, which is in Atlanta... it's sounding pretty over the top! I'm excited. We are in phase two my friends!

FUCK.. there are sooo many ants... I might have to take back the not crying statement. I spoke to Nicole briefly...and she says I should complain, but I feel like there really isn't any other rooms here that would be better... I guess I'll see how bad it gets..

Anyway, the record is nearly done.. a couple songs have a really special collaboration, That I still can't really believe is happening!!!
But again i'm too scared to say anything, jinxs and what not.

I fucking hate ants.

You know what another eternal issue is?

Why does Snapple not have an expiration date?It really upsets me.
Why would they do that? I'd rather take a fake one on the bottle than no date at all. And so is my eternal pain, of how and why I never drink Snapple.. when the colours and sounds of the flavours when put together sound like they would be so beautiful in my mouth... (I really hope you are picturing me as of now in between every sentence wiping ants from my legs and bed..)

I actually haven't seen anything of Atlanta.. but what I have seen has been real nice. We decided to take a day off yesterday, I didn't leave my hotel room until roughly 9:00pm, where I mustered up enough courage to venture outside towards the supermarket, I was starting to get a headache, whether that was because of VH1'S "Black To The Future" (yes, "BLACK" to the future...) and "Rock Of Love" or just me not eating or drinking, i'm not sure.. combination of the above I suppose....

Without particularly knowing it.. I have become addicted to various tv shows of late.. it would start off with me coming home from the studio in new york, I don't have a tv, but I watch stuff online... so i'd find something that i'd heard of or whatever, and put it on at random, and leave it playing on a browser, thus giving off the illusion of a television, well.. my experiment I guess has done more than just that..and justly served it's purpose.
Now, there are shows that I watch constantly and have seen every episode of, and will never miss an episode of, in this list I include LOST, Gossip Girl Anything NBA related, American Dad, The Simpsons (am I the only person watching season 20? )...But due to my weird un-intentional t.v experiment... I have now seen every episode of shows like :

The Jimmy Kimmel Show

And others i'm even more hesitant to name.

Dollhouse is actually good though, for those of you who do not know, it is the new Joss Whedon show, and features Eliza Dushku (Faith). It has a great theme song.

Ok enough, I have a stomach to hold, ants to swat. and I GUESS an album to finish or something.

friday 6th march 2009 - are you watching the watchmen?

I just got back to the studio here in Atlanta, we went to the midday screening at the IMAX of the Watchmen.. have you guys seen it?

I'm going to do something I have not done before, and start an open discussion about it here on this blog...
So if you've seen it (and maybe if you haven't) let's discuss it in the comments section!

Let the games begin!

monday 2nd march 2009 = pros and cons

I've been trying to get to new york comic con for the last few years.

Seriously, I'd say before then.. but the reason for not going those times have been not having money to eat, let alone to fly to america for a comic convention. But due to amazing circumstances over the last few years I have been presented with great opportunities to go.. but for some reason or other. I have not being able to do so.

This year is different, and where as I was aware that comic con was coming.. I still had somewhat placed it at the back of my mind. Earlier in the year a couple weeks after moving to new york I went to NY Anime Con with Nicole. Which was truly incredible.. and created moments like THIS !

Nicole surprised me.
One day a couple weeks back she said she'd got us two press passes for NYCC (I'm just going to call it that from now on).
I literally shat myself. I think i'm living the dream if your girlfriend does such things for you, and is just as excited about going also...

Now. Also in conversation with Nicole she mentioned how the online video section of her magazine was sending someone to report on Comic Con who knows absolutely nothing about comic books, or anything else that would be happening at this event.
In yet another irrefutable act featuring my heart running forwards dragging my mind kicking and screaming in the background, I somewhat offered my assistance.

Now.. this is something I tend to do alot, Not this specific incident, but the act that pre-empted the situation.
I guess it's a good thing, and it's most likely the only reason I get things done.
Contrary to popular belief I am completely nervous pretty much all of the time unless i'm playing guitar / drums / football. These are the three things that I have (after many many years) come to the conclusion finally that, I am comfortable with whatever may have taken place within these arena's. And also happy to perform within. Everything else sends me into a nervous frenzy. Anyway.. the day was fast approaching. And I was asked to make my interview wish list. It went something along the lines of this. I shall include a word or two about each person for anyone that may not know who these people are


Jim Lee - God.

Veronica Taylor - The voice of Ash and May from Pokemon, and April O'Neil from The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Michaelangelo - A Mutant Ninja Turtle.

Joss Whedon - Creator of 2 of the 5 greatest shows to have ever been on t.v.

Brian Michael Bendis - God.

Joe Simon - Creator of Captain America.

Chuck D - Chuck D.

Marina Sirtis - This person and also my childhood crush.

Dave Gibbons - God

Steve Sansweet - Owner of the worlds biggest Star Wars collection and head of Fan Relations at LucasArts.

The big day finally arrived. And I was shaking sweating and desperately clutching my book of notes. Which at the time seemed to be in a completely logical order.. but upon arrival at the Javits center had somehow turned into an indecipherable mess closer to that of Taiwanese.

Nicole and I met up with her friend Nisha, a woman who seems to have an endless knowledge on comics and who was hooking me up with the interviews. I should also state that Nicole for today only was going to play the role of Camera-woman. Her first time doing so, and with the ever mighty flip camera. (Although it was a new one given to her by the magazine which massively shat on mine, from a mighty height).

Walking around the Javits center upon arrival felt like a homecoming. It's a moment of suspended tranquility that slowly washes over your consciousness .. a buzzing excitement building it's way up your body before the flash of realisation that thousands of comic book lovers and creators are spiraling around pushing shoving and trying not to get their costumes dirty. I forgot how overwhelming these conventions can be. I wouldn't change it for the world. But alas, I was glad I wasn't in costume this time. Ny Anime Com I spent the best part of the weekend wearing a Gingerbread man costume (Shrek) that I nearly drowned in my own sweat in. If it wasn't for the kids running up to me and biting chunks out of my legs and arms. No Joke.

First call of duty was a stop off to buy a new Lightsaber. I've had a few in my life. All of them after the age of 17.
The last one I owned I believe was Anakin Skywalkers' circa "Attack Of The Clones".
You know the one ... handed down to Luke.. eventually to Ben for those of you that read the follow up books/comics.
I used to carry this particular Lightsaber on tour with me all the time. Until one fateful night in Germany when a girl was sick on it.. it never felt the same again.

This time I stepped up my game. And purchased a fine Obi-Wan Kenobi Lightsaber.

Walking past the signing booths and seeing the huge lines of devotees waiting to get items signed.. before we came to the last two booths, with absolutely zero people waiting in line.

Now, the first line was for someone called "Nell Wilson aka FAT MOMMA". The final losing contestant of season one in the Stan Lee created/hosted reality show "Who Wants To Be A Super Hero?".

The next and final booth, equally as empty was for Peter Mayhew.

Peter Mayhew is the 7'3 actor who played Chewbacca. He did not however provide the voice of Chewie.... But on screen, this is the guy you are indeed seeing. In episodes 3, 4, 5 and 6, In all the commercials of the time, In the Muppet Show.. and yes.. in the "Star Wars Holiday Special".

We figured this would be good footage (as well as a life-changing moment for me) if I go and get my Obi-Wan Lightsaber signed by him.
I walk up to the booth, Nicole behind me, Iflip in hand.

"Hi".. i'm shaking a little, looking down somewhat.. there was no response.

"Erm.. Hi?" I put my hand forward , his elbow is resting on the desk of the booth, he turns his hand slightly to shake mine.

We shake hands.

I lift my lightsaber up and place it on the desk..

"You want me to sign that?" His low gravelly voice questions..

"Erm, ah.. yes, if that's ok?"

"20 bucks minimum".

Erm.. excuse me?

He points to a sign, which reads a list of prices.. I can't quite remember the exact price list, but I do recall that yes. 25 bucks was DEFINITELY the minimum on the list.
There was a silence.
I didn't know what to do.. I seem to always be in this position.. in some form or another.. I recall when I went to get my Aura photo taken (please refer to an older blog post) and the woman was recommending crystals for me to buy and I was too embarrassed to state that I thought the price was too steep.. so I carried on looking and trying on crystals for a good fifteen minutes before eventually building up courage to tell her I did not want a crystal. She turned her head and walked away so fast and did not respond as I said goodbye and thank you to her.
I then bought a cheaper crystal next door due to the recommendation of Nicole.

Back to reality.

And the most famous wookie of them all was asking me for a minimum of 25 dollars on camera.
The pause went on.. and i said..
"Erm.. I just.. I think I should, go.. I need to.. sort myself out.."

That's what I said.

And I walked away holding my lightsaber.

Was this wrong of me? Should I have paid him? It's not actually that much. I am trying to save though.. It's not even that.. really..
I have problems meeting my idols. I have problems meeting anyone that I even slightly like. I always feel that it can always end horrifically. Even if it ended in the best possible way. I don't even know what the best possible way would entail... I'm pretty certain what just happened was NOT it.

We then noticed that some people in the signing booths (all of them that are individuals, as in.. not comic book artists for example who are part of DC or MARVEL.. but, like.. maybe the guy that got killed in episode 5 season 3 of Star Trek : Voyager ) were also asking for money for items to be signed.

Now, due to many reasons, and many instances reguarding Nicole and myself posing for photos against computer generated Marvel backgrounds. I was to only get two of the interviews on my wish-list.

Something, That I admit I was somewhat relieved to find out..due to my constant paranoia... but alas don't worry. The two interviews I did get only happened to be with two of the three "God's" on my list...
It's good to know that Deanna Troy from Star Trek next generation was impossible to contact, but a Creator of The Watchmen ... is..

Dave Gibbons right now is more popular than he has ever been.
I would go as far as to say that his comic book art at this very moment in time is the most popular in the world.
I won't pour my heart out over "The Watchmen" right now. But I will say that I am a huge fan... and as I stand at the side of his table in the DC area waiting for him to finish signing ..I suddenly come over faint..start sweating profusely, and silently wishing for the end of the world so that I don't have to meet him.

The signing ends, and he is lead towards me behind the booth.. he is talking to everyone but me.. a man, that seems like an old friend also.. then he turns..

"What is this then.. what's this for?"

Oh god.. he's talking...to me and nicole...

I blacked out.. ok that's a lie. I didn't black out, but I then proceeded to interview him and then a bit later on marvel comic legend Brian Michael Bendis.. and it was completely amazing, afterwards i posed for photos with them, and Dave Gibbons signed a special watchmen poster for me. It was a great day, which I owe to Nicole!

So eventually nerves subsided, and we swung away

sunday 1st march 2009 - if you're skinny, don't vandalise cars.

I was walking down S2nd on my way to meet some friends who had just played a show. The show was over and I just wanted to come by and say hey before I went to meet Nicole. I'm on the road now, that the venue is on, and walking towards me I see a guy and a girl. They look no older than my age, and by the looks of thins, They've just had a mighty argument.
Do you know what i'm talking about? Both of them walking with a good meter and a half between them, the boy, with his head down, ands in pockets, body rocking from side to side. The girl.. head upwards but facing the opposite direction of the boy... tears streaming down her face, her a mess.. maybe the result of some frustrated hand on head actions, or maybe it's her fashion..

They're still walking towards me.. when all of a sudden, in one quick swoop, and still within his walk, the boy, out of frustration uses the bottom of his heel to kick off the side view mirror of a car. Why would you do this? He then proceeded to kick the now defunct piece of metal across the pavement.. his girlfriend still crying.. now, the funniest thing about this, is the fact that this floppy haired indie kid was skinny, and wearing a cardigan, I think it's just a fact of life, that you're not allowed to even attempt to look/be tough whilst wearing a cardigan...

I make it to the venue, I tell this story to a couple people, proclaiming how this kid with issues has just ruined some unsuspecting dudes day tomorrow... Anyway it's now time for me to go and meet Nicole..
I leave, walking up the same road this incident took place, but a bit further down, I spot a few people in the street, shouting.. the in-built pussy in me crosses the road, before I could reach them, but obviously I look over. I see 3 huge men, shirtless, shaved heads.. screaming at some kid; there's who two girls who I could only assume to be the girlfriend of the men in dressing gowns and long shirts screaming from the porch stoop "Just leave it !!!! Come inside !!!".
I then notice that the bins are all on the floor scattered across the street...
The kid they have surrounded then screams out loud, with tears in his eyes...he says...
"If it was me!! Why would I be walking down the road.. you should be looking for kids that are running!!!"
"We know it was you!! Why did you do this!?!??".. is the response back..

Now usually, I would think..."man, wrong place wrong time for that kid..." ... Usually I'd think that. If it wasn't for the fact that it was the same kid I saw an half an hour earlier, kicking the side view mirror of a car that wasn't his down the road in the most nonchalant of attitudes. His girlfriend was no where to be seen.. I'm guessing he kept doing this as theyw ere walking down the road, but... along the way, he did it to the wrong house.... I keep walking.

An hour has passed and i've already met up with Nicole, and said my goodbyes. I'm walking home and I hear the deafening wail of a New York ambulance siren..I turn the song I was listening to on my ipod off, wait for the noise to pass, and then play the song from the beginning again.

I see Keith, he says that our friend Erika is sending text messages warning everyone to stay away from S2nd street, the police are everywhere, and the word is there are guns involved.

Moral of the tale, if you're a skinny indie kid don't start no shit.. Reap what you sow....crazy world. token emoticon = icon_neutral

monday 23rd febuary = how's your news?

So almost exactly a year ago I made friends with a group of guys called "How's Your News?". I was at SXSW in Austin and they were filming episodes for what would become a tv show for MTV to be produced by Matt Stone and Trey Parker. Now, if you don't know who "How's Your News Are?", I shall try to try and explain...

"How's Your News?" are group of people with varying disabilities who met at camp one summer in 1999. They began playing music together, and with the help of Arthur Bradford , Matt and Trey started making some incredible documentaries. One of which made in 2004 about the presidential campaigns held at both the Democrat and Republican National Conventions , and it is fucking incredible.

I remember when I started watching it literally not knowing what I was about to see. It was handed to me by a friend who just simply said "You have to see this!".
I can safely say it is one of my favourite documentaries I have ever seen.

Luckily, I'm not the only person in the world that believes this, and they got commissioned to make a series for MTV America to be aired on Sunday nights at 10:30 pm.

Now heading back to meeting them in Austin last year. I was honored and completely amazed when they asked me to appear in an episode with them!

We met up in this old bar on the outskirts of town, and began playing music together. I'm skipping quite a few things, and I think my language in this post is pretty bad, but I'm just trying to get my point across, and also i'm in the studio right now, and Jon is laying down some crazy Steve Vai style solo of a song.. anyway! We jammed out for an hour or so, me teaching them some of my songs, and them teaching me some of there songs! We filmed loads of footage. At the same time I was also filming stuff for a possible MTV show I was asked to do (don't ask...seriously, don't...) .. but I can honestly say out of a the whole of last year, and many incredible things I didn't think i'd ever do, and am grateful for.. this was truly a highlight.

I saw them throughout my time in texas and also joined them at one of their shows for a solo duel which is something I am always up for!!

I'm so glad that the show is on tv, and that they're getting recognition. I know this may all seem so cliche'd but... dare I say. It's always nice to get a slap in the face of realism. And "How's Your News?" are the most real people out there.

So head over to the MTV site and check out some of their episodes.

Recording this album at the moment, and I won't lie.. has been pretty stressful, but at the same time. I'm recording an album! Which to me is fucking crazy. So i'm NEVER going to complain about that. It's insane...
We've been given 9 days to track everything... which has meant practically 24/7 in the studio. It's pretty different to the last record.. actually, that's a bit of an understatement. it's completely different. It's fun though. I want it to be like one big LOST episode. And everything is intentionally over the top.... literally.. I think it might be a 20 track album... Alot of funk, alot of classical, alot of kate bush... haha!!

My worries had been creeping in from time to time.. (or all the time, if you ask Nicole, who's had to bare the brunt of my overtly intense paranoia).. but yeah. I'm happy i'm getting to do this. We only a few days left. And then i'm going to head down from New York to Atlanta to do some vocals at Ben's (the producers) place.

But yeah, one of my worries.. which again is completely stupid for multiple reasons , but will write it anyway, was how amazingly "uncool" this album is.. Now. I do not mean that literally.., What I mean is "Uncool" in a sense which I'm finding hard to express. Let me and try and think of examples.

I guess what I mean is.. no.. even that's not coming across right. Actually forget this.. i'll move onto another subject. I'll try and explain my twisted mind thought at another time..

How offensive were the oscars? An event I look forward to, and love. And knowing it was to be hosted by Hugh Jackman I was sooo excited.

We had the tv on on in the studio, and worse than the whole new horrible set design, (I should add that Hugh was amazing as always ...as fucking always, and Steve Martin...before I carry on ).. But yes, worse of all.. was the fucking masturbatory speeches given by actors and actresses of past and present who have won the awards for best actor and actress of the past.

I never ever get worked up about these things, But lately... I guess, i've finally realised how many disgusting and shallow people seem to be living in the world.

Who do these people actually think they are? It made me hate Kate Winslet's speech...she always cries, I get it.. but because of the wank fest that was before it what would have usually be a nonchalant response transgressed into hate.

What kind of world do these people live in? It's insane. Who can relate to any of it? What does it mean!? Do these people save lives!? God... ok, enough already.

Some positivity... at least we got to see the trailer for the new Ryan Reynolds Sandra Bullock rom-com during the airing.
They hate each other, they have to pretend to be married...uhoh..

let's hope they don't fall in love !!!!!!!

thursday 19th febuary 2009 - studio report one


Steven is asleep on the couch. Ben's getting good drum sounds out of chris's kit.


NOW. Steven is awake. On his way to get some bass sounds.
We're going to start off with a song called "Madame Van Damme" ... it's about a prostitute, well, written from the prospective of one... mainly, thinly veiled metaphor for how i was feeling when I wrote the song. Which was around a year and a half ago now? Wow.


The guy that owns the studio just told me a great story about how Diana Ross is a mega bitch... (I should add that I was watching a "Midnight Special" DVD with her playing live)..
He said that when he went to see her play in 1984, she did the whole routine of getting dudes up onstage to come and dance as they ride out the outro, then one dude, gets a bit too carried away... and bam.
They stop the set. She calls security onstage to come and take the guy away, kicking and screaming.. and then they start up the set again, as if nothing happened.


It turns out we're all the most forgetful people in the world.
Jon's been working on a piano part on a nord he found in the corner for the last hour. Chris walks in and screams... apparently last time we were here, working on a couple songs before my throat operation, they left it here, and it's actually Adam Greens (the guys play in his band).. they were convinced they'd lost it on tour and would have to fork up the cash to get a new one... jon somehow didn't notice the setlist stuck to the front of the nord,
On top of that. I left my favourite camera here. I thought i'd lost it forever, the island has a way of bringing things back.


Recalling tour horror stories... the time I passed out on a plane, the time i had blood poisoning, the time i couldn't walk... the time steve shat himself on a plane and cried.. the usual.


Jon and steve are watching LOST. How can they do that? I can't switch off like that..watching LOST is a ritual, i need to work myself into it. I can't just.. go and do it. they even walked away for a bit to come listen to the track!! man... I can't wait to watch the episode tonight.. on abc.com. High Definition. Thats what I'm talking about.


This track is sounding pretty sweet!!


Calypso prog?


It's such a happy song.. I wish all suicidal prostitutes were this happy.


Chris came back from the store with a bunch of leopard print furry caps. We're all wearing them, apparently some crazy dude on the street corner was selling them, two for a dollar !
Some of us have written name tags on our caps.
Mine reads "Mr Str8 Clownin'" of course.


If chris brown had kicked the shit out of his girlfriend.. and it didn't happen to be Rihanna.. would we be acting in such a way? Just a thought... I always heard she got the best beats. Sorry.. I do not condone physical abuse of any kind. His career is OVER!!! Or is it? Probably one of the saddest things of all of this, is that now SOO much attention will be lit upon whatever these guys do next. But whether chris brown does something great or not.. i'm pretty sure it'll be universally hated...anyway.. this is a pretty boring subject matter...


WHY IS THE TV SOO LOUD AT THE BACK... it's the final twenty minutes of LOST.
Not long to wait out now...




Hmmm, an interesting freudian typing slip.


So it's the end of the first day. It went well! The song sounds big... radio two big, rather than radio one big... that was a joke by the way... i'm not funny.


"Sir Duke" might be one of the most fun songs ever written, goddamn you Wonder !!!!!!



tuesday 10th febuary 2009 - Sequential Noun List

I just this second got home..

Tonight I went to see some stand up comedy featuring Kristen Schaal and Zack Galifianakis.. It was actually pretty good. I definitely "Laughed out loud" at several moments... it was my second outing to see stand up.. and again, my second in New York City..or maybe my third, i'm not sure if one of them counts.. which is what reminded me to hurry up and finish this blog I started writing earlier this week about last weekend.
Before I "copy and paste" that specific blog in. Let me tell you that I woke up today with bubblegum in my mouth, and accidentally swallowed it. I have felt "weird" all day...luckily, many google searches helped ease my "i'm going to die" paranoia. If you refer back to earlier posts I mention how I have to constantly chew gum and drink water to keep my throat moistured because of the operation
I had...anyway...off subject, I shall quickly recall something that happened to me this sunday.

I'm coming towards the end of the book i'm reading.. and figured my follow up list is sitting too small at around 6 books. So thought I would peruse through an outdoors book stall, incidentally or maybe not so...directly opposite "Bagels One".

Now, i'm looking through these books, and I really have no idea what I'm looking for. I'm picking up books, turning them over, flicking through the pages... putting the book back down.. not quite as I found it.. then picking up another book.. well, you know how to look at books..
The guy running the stall says hey to me. Medium build, roughly 40 years old, white man, big smile, beanie hat.. seems like a nice guy!

"You looking for anything in particular?" he asks.

"Oh no, just browsing really! " I respond.

"Hey... I think I have just the book for you...."

He reaches down into a box underneath the table.. it's a busy day.. people are looking at books near me and walking by in a despondent affair...
He lifts a book up and presents it to me.


The book is called Nigger.

Now. I know he did not mean anything by this... it's sort of an inbuilt racism I figured, one he probably does not know he is even implying.

I take the book from him..

"Ah.. er... cool.."

The autobiography of Dick Gregory.

I mean.. whatever.. I carry on looking at books, with "Nigger" still in my hand..

"Hey, I got another one you might like..."

"The Blackness"... a history on the uprising of Black People.

Now, I don't know, I guess this is what I get for wearing all black on a sunday in Brooklyn in 1972.. oh wait. It's 2009 !!!

Anyway, as we all know.. i have no backbone and no balls.. and hate awkward situations.

I bought "Nigger".

Now, i'm pretty sure this is a great book.. in fact, Gregory was a master at wordplay.. probably my favourite kind of humour... ah, i'm finding it hard to explain why this was a werid situation...every example I think of i'm sure would offend somebody somewhere.
In my head i'm thinking "Gee I hope someone I know doesn't bump into me. I'm not ashamed or anything, it's just pretty awkward me carrying a book that says "Nigger" on it. In fact.. would this be worse if I was white? Or any other race for that matter? I think the same amount of awkwardness placed on us from today's western integrated society puts forward the same awkward social faux pars in all of us.."

"Hey man, what's up?" Obviously.. a friend of mine has just tapped me on my right shoulder.. I turn the book upside down in my left hand, and try and act cool. and by cool I don't mean "Black Panther" cool...

"Oh hey man! Ah you know.. nothing.. looking at books, nothing in particular, just books... and stuff.. and books.."

I slyly place the book into my jacket pocket...

Funnily enough, earlier today I explained to the same friend what had actually occurred just before they arrived, he stated that I did seem a little "Off".

O.k.. and now to the blog I started writing last week... enjoy.


"I can honestly say, that I have absolutely no idea what is about to happen, none.. in any form.. I mean.. seriously...".
I was sitting in a cab with my friends Keith and his girlfriend Christian. We were currently crossing over the brooklyn bridge with a beautifully clear cut view of Manhattan on my right hand side piercing the pitch black sky.
And I had meant what I said, I really had no idea at all what was about to happen.

"Well..." Began Christain "It's mainly going to be us sitting around in a room with Jennifer Anniston, Tom Hanks' son, various other people you won't recognise and so on, ya'know.."
"What?" I replied.."Colin Hanks is an actor in his own right !! And why would Jennifer Anniston be there!?!?"
"Because of John Mayer.." Keith chimed in, "She's having his kid right?"
"O.k, first of all.. I don't know if she's actually having his kid.. and secondly.. John Mayer isn't playing.. Jason Mraz is."
Keith and Christian let out groans of disappointment.. In that moment and through the course of the night at several points I will think to myself in disdain about the one time I had purchased a cd from BORDERS and how it had been a Jason Mraz cd.. this will haunt me for the rest of my life, in fact, I recently asked my girlfriend Nicole if Jason Mraz's musical output had always been so drippingly dreary and abysmal.. I don't need to write what her answer was.. anyway... back to the cab.. I ask another question..
"But you guys have been before a few times right?"
Keith obliges...."Yeah, I mean, it'll probably just be us sitting in a room with the writers being completely silent and then awkwardly fake laughing during the sketches..".
NOW i'm excited.

A week ago whilst using the internet in my bedroom (I figured if I phrase it like this, it doesn't sound as if that is ALL that I do... this is all that I do) I came across some information which I couldn't have been happier to receive.
Steve Martin would be reprising his role as guest host of Saturday Night Live for the record 15th time.
For those of you who do not know, Steve Martin is pretty much my idol. I own all of his books, movies, audio books, cd's... some may say that the idea of what I find as funny in life is solely based on perception of Steve Martin from when I was younger...

Well, I thought this was awesome, and definitely wanted to watch this...on t.v that is.

Whilst watching Lost Se05e03 at Keith's house some days ago.. during a commercial break I mention this small fact before it dawned on me.. Keith is friends with people that work on SNL.. i asked if he could hook up tickets.

A couple days later he stated that there were no tickets left for the audience, but we can go and hang out backstage...in the writer's room whilst the show is on.


Oh right.

Flash forward to our cab pulling up outside The Rockefeller Center ..and waiting for our passes at the reception. I should mention that the last time that I was here Shit Like This Went Down.
But before us in the que is Colin Hanks...I shit you not. Weird huh?

The halls of the SNL building I feel are in a definite order of "sickness"... as you walk along the corridors of the higher floor you see an array of shots including Steve Martin, Dan Akroyd , Jim Belushi e.t.c all in black and white and all in a pose that streamlines greatness as you cruise through the creamy coloured walls of the 8th floor rockerfeller center.... on the floors below you see pictures of Shia Leboeuf in a bunny costume and Ashton Kutcher with boxing gloves on (Third blog in a row with an Ashton Kutcher reference... ).

I will now skip ahead past some overtly un-interesting boring details...and then rewind a bit.... but so that you don't feel you have missed out on any information, I shall try and explain everything using a list of non-sequential nouns and ad-nouns so that you guys can create your own situations through the power of imagination and I can then explain and end this blog with the most interesting part of my story.

Plain Rice, Frozen water, Dimitri Martin, Coca-Cola, Doogie Houser, Scripts, Pencils, Caribbean vibes, Fake laughter, how i met your mother, female backing singers, One Voice, chinese food, Colin Hanks, "Kenneth", Fake Linus, Non-Frozen Water, Soup Dumplings , cdr's, more pencils and Jane Krakowski.


The show is over.. the three of us have now decided to head back down to the main floor, mainly to see if Steve Martin is around.. I've decided now.. fanboyisms set aside. I need a photo with this god of comedy.
We bump into Jorma, part of The Lonely Island, writer for SNL, one of keiths friends at SNL, or to some of you.. the guy that does the second verse in "Jizz In My Pants"... Keith, christian and Jorma are catching up on things. I'm standing sheepishly at the side looking at photos of Tina Fey on the wall.. and a woman who, I think I've seen in "Frasier"... or maybe "Caroline In The City".. was that big enough for a cast member to host SNL? Maybe...that was a good show. I wouldn't say great, but good. Where was it set.. I want to say Chicago... I feel New York is a little too obvious...

"Hey man.. "

Jorma said Hello..
Now the rest is somewhat weird and difficult for me to say or write. I refuse to give myself any form of self gratitude. But basically, i will try and sum this up...
The Lonely Island did a movie called "Hot Rod" last year.. and the song for the trailer was "Circle Square Triangle" by Test icicles. It paid off my recoup. I assumed it was some kind of weird coincidence or something. But it turns out they asked for the song, and were originally meant to use a Beastie Boys track... crazy.. even crazier, Jorm asks me for a photo.. something was definitely wrong..we took photos, and we all chatted some more. Then Jorma had to take off as he had just been given the news that the "Macgruber" sketch he writes will be advertising Pepsi during the superbowl.. which at this point, was tomorrow.

Keith turns to me..
"Man..." he says..." I didn't wanna say anything... But just as you started talking to Jorm and you guys started taking photos. Steve Martin literally walked right up behind you.. and stood there, then walked into his dressing room... you were pretty much touching..."

And there you have it... kinda... afterwards there was an incident which I tried to sum up in my list of words. But it's basically me being too much of a pussy to walk up to a table where Steve Martin and Lorne Michaels are talking and eating chinese food, and ask for a photo on my disposable camera.

It's ok though. I did get some free rice in the end.


Coming soon : The Moment Chewbacca Crushed My Soul...and Spider-Man saved it.

monday 2nd febuary 2009 - You've got male

Two things you may have picked up from the picture above... one, the shocking (or not so shocking according to some people) news that there was a naked man in my room, two.. that my ichat default icon is "Lucile Bluth".. well, anyhow.. this is the truth.
It happened last night.. it'd been a weekend of many recessions and semi going on towards fully fledged embarrassments...this is what happened.

As I think i'd mentioned before, I've been having the most mind numbingly and boringly adult bank troubles of late. What it came down to, and I shall try and break this down quickly and neatly.. is that I wanted to switch banks. From a u.k one to an american one. But due to situations beyond my control.. (and within the control of my somewhat idiotic mind) I chose to do this on the cusp of the bank card for my uk banks expiry date, before I'd even recieved a new card from my new bank... and before even having money put into the old account..still with me?

Well If you are you are doing alot better than one of the dumbest, youngest employee's i've ever come across last week. I was left speechless.. no, literally!! I ended up in a shouting match within the bank and due to my already weakened voice was left unable to talk..
I met up for lunch with a friend I hadn't seen in a while straight afterwards..

"Your voice sounds like shit?" She began.." Is this because of the operation?"

"If by operation you mean the simple task of letting me take out money from my english account and transfer it into my new american account whilst trying to find out the exact number of days left on my u.k card and precise time as to when my new u.s card will be coming in... then yes.. I suppose it is."

I managed to actually sort out the situation..thanks to many manouveres on my part. Still not being able to take cash out of the bank, but everything was somewhat resolved, and I transfered my money and left a little bit on my card, enough so that I could reward myself with two, yes... two bagels. Believe.

I was feeling great ! You know that feeling after you accomplish something? The sky is crispy... every passer by seems to be smiling at you.. I almost swear blind I heard someone walk by and say "Good on ya' Dev... banks can be tricky !!!" but alas, it was just a tramp coughing...

I walked into the bagel store. It was packed.. I guess it is a weekend afternoon, and the first in New York this year to not be mind numbingly cold, the first weekend that wasn't presented to us with a 30 minute frostbite warning!!

I should state that I am a bagel nazi.. wait, that's a horrible term.. i'm a bagel fascist? bagel purist. O.k.. no connotations with that one.
I am a bagel purist.. where I live, there are basically only two choices. Let's just call the two stores "Bagels One", and "Bagels Two"... I doubt anyone at either of these places reads this blog.. but you NEVER know..

I had been to Bagels Two multiple times, and had never particularly had a great time there. The final straw came one morning before a flight, they had got my order wrong (tomatoes !! I despise the hybrid fruit vegetable!! ) and I refused to complain, I hate complaining in food establishments.. I only got over my paranoia a few years back for eating outside, trusting other people with things I was going to put into my mouth. Anyway.. a friend of mine said they were going to do it for me.. which I figured is WAY worse than if I was to do it , so I politely told them.. they had given me the wrong order..they took it back.
I finally got my bagel.. with the correct amount of nothing inside it.. when I heard sniggering, I slyly looked towards the counter, my head down, using my eyes to spy towards my right..The "cooks" were laughing, and looking directly at me.

That was enough for me..I had a stomach ache for the rest of the day, I still have no idea whether that was due to a prank or my deluded paranoia, either way, it was induced with the thanks of "Bagels Two".

O.k.. so since then i've purely been a "Bagels One" guy. So I head inside, still pleased with myself, still misinterpreting homeless people's coughs.. and I place my order.. two bagels, honey turkey.. Ham... Mustard.. I was ready for my mouth to BURN!

At "Bagels One" you place your order.. then you pay, then you wait for your Bagels, then you leave.. or sit in by the window if you choose.
It was completely packed out so that got rid of that idea..straight away.
My order was placed. I went to the counter to pay... and I was faced with a new girl...along with the second in a week of uninterested teenage girls standing in the way of my path of glory.
I could tell from the start this was not going to go well...

"Can I pay by card?" Remember I can't take money out...or maybe I didn't mention that.. I can't take money out.

"Yes." She said in such a flat tone.. if she was singing right now, i'd have to auto-tune her ass...

"Great.. credit please".

"It's always credit...." she replied.
I thought to myself, no it's not.. i'm pretty sure every store i've been in since moving here has asked me "Credit or Debit"... then I notice her mouth was moving again..

"Everything is always credit"

I thought to myself..What the hell is wrong with this..

"Declined." And she threw my card back on the counter, and continued to take a few more chomps of her gum..." your card has been declined.."

O.k.. act cool.. they're making your bagels.. you could, just run? NO. I can't.. I could.. argue.. "I'm sorry. hah, there must be some kind of mistake?" NO NO.. I could never be "that" guy...o.k.. I will.. ask if they have a ATM machine.. I know for a fact they do.. it is behind me.

"Erm.. is there an ATM machine here?"

"It's behind you...NEXT!"

Shit. I turned... and pretended to put my card into the machine.. and tried to think rationally..o.k. My card has been cancelled.. and i don't have enough dollars to buy both bagels.. I waited out the approximate amount of time to spend at an atm.. people shoving past me to collect and or pay for their toasted beautiful bagels. Time to be a man.

"Actually, can you cancel my order..."


Oh god she's shouting over the music and people, everyone's looking at me..

"I i i i... erm, I don't want them, can you cancel my order please.." Kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me..

"Oh.. o.k... why?"


"Erm, i've ah.. changed my mind.. yeah.. sorry.. ok..thanks..."

I practically run out of "Bagels One".. tripping over a news stand on my way out...

I enter into a bodega... as part of my voice therapy.. I have to drink water 24/7 ..and when I remember to, chew gum.. in order to keep my throat full of moisture constantly.
"Just this please.." I put the gum on the counter.. Just that second.. a slightly pump hispanic girl, who.. looking back, and maybe i'm exaggerating .. seemed around 10ft tall and 4 ft wide. She wasn't fat. But she looked like unsettled jello..she started screaming hello's to every customer in the store, which was three of us. She wore small silver spectacles and seemed to have a horrible skin problem, but it wasn't acne...
She charged towards the counter and rested her arms on top of it.. kicking a leg back , with one hand toying with her dripping, black curly hair..

"TROJANS!" she shouted.. "Hand me some Trojans!!!"

My eyes widened, but stayed completely fixated on the pack of gum resting on the counter... please take my gum money, please.. i don't want t stand next to this girl anymore.. oh god..

"WOOOOO, yeah... I need some trojans..."
I noticed that she was slurring now..and quite possibly on crack...

"Hey there..."




"Hey wassup?"

Oh god.. no. NO. She's talking to me. Fuck. Fuck Fuck. Fucking take my gum money FUCK.

"What you up to tonight?"

This is not happening.. I guess, maybe I should talk..

"Going home to my girlfriend.".. I wasn't.

"Oh.. right on... yeahh. hold on? ehh eh.. where you from?"

"I'm from London". At last!! The man behind the till is taking my money!! Sweet I can get out of here!!

"London oh wow that's sooooooo cool!!!!! Oh wow!!! High five, woooo!!!!"

Now, i don't know why.. but maybe it's an inbuilt "bro" mechanism, or something. But I raised my hand, and begrudgingly high fived her...then ran out of the store.. I could hear people inside cackling as I blasted my way through the doors and onto the street.

I scrubbed my hand for half an hour.

I was so exhausted. I completely fell into a coma at around 10:12 pm. Half way through quite possibly the worst Steve Martin film I've ever seen. "mixed nuts". It's the movie Nora Ephron did straight after "Sleepless In Seattle". I think no other director can give the 80's a bad name than her. Honestly.. I don't know how she does it but she's made some truly un-watchable movies in her time.. although obviously, I'm completely biased due to an incident that occurred when I was but an 11 year old boy.
Everyone in my school was going to see a movie about witches (i can't for the life of me, remember what this film was called..maybe it wasn't even about witches, all I know is that it was something fun and awesome, and that everyone in school shared a common love over. is there anything else important when you're 11? ) that weekend and I too, could not have been any more excited than I was. My mother agreed to take me.. so of we went. On a rainy saturday in fair old Barking Town.
The line went on for what seemed to be forever. I saw kids from my class up ahead of me. We waved and would shout of our current excitement.
After what seemed to take a lifetime, we finally made it to the front of the que..

"One adult and one chid for "......" please.. my mother asked.

"Sorry...all sold out".

My heart sank.. tears formed around my eyes. That ever present lump at the bottom of your throat decided to ride up again..you shake a little. Then hold in the waterworks.

"Well.. what else is showing?" My mother asked... she turned down to me "We might as well watch something else while we are here...

"Well, the only film showing right now.." the guy behind the till responded " is "you've got mail"...

"Great, we'll see that instead!"

And that was it. The damage was done. And so began my torrid hatred of everything Nora Ephron. Of course, I wasn't aware of the director untill many years later.. but still, at my young age, I knew Tom Hanks wasn't to blame, nor was Meg Ryan.. Nora Ephron ruined my cinematic childhood.

The problem is. If I fall asleep early, as in around 10pm. I will wake up at around 4am, the earliest.
And I did.. lights still on, eyes..starting to un-blur.. i was on my side.. I had slept with my glasses on.. as my eyes began to conform to the light. I noticed a figure at the end of my bed, looking down at his feet... I soon realised I was staring at a man, with tattoo's.. only wearing what seemed to be a pair of way to small for him.. amercian apparel brown underwear.

Now.. I didn't say anything, I was still confused by what the hell was happening. I don't even think he saw me.. he seemed in a completely different world... he then turned to my door, opened it, walked out, and then closed it.

I think I was in shock. I think i'm still in shock... I have no idea what happened.. sitting ere typing this, I'm still completely unclear as to what happened.
I should add that I live with two girls... after staying up frozen and staring forwards listening out the door, and hearing another door closing, I assume he came from one of the other rooms, one of my roommates rooms... why was he in my room? How long was he in there for? Did he see me!?

Truly odd.

wednesday 28th january 2009 - snapshot of my life

I have been told of late that the things I've been writing about on this blog haven't exactly been snapshots of my life.
It's interesting.. almost. I guess I slowly stopped writing ridiculous accurate portrayals of my day slowly but surely over the last year. The main reason for this was mainly that I don't feel anyone would want to know or care, and this isn't me self loathing (surprisingly) it's just I mean.. I don't particularly care about most people's lives..unless it's someone like Ashton Kutcher ..(I will get back to this...).. for example.
So here it is... a ridiculously detailed snapshot into my life this very morning of wednesday 28th january 2009 as I sit in my bedroom in Brooklyn, Ny.

A friend of mine and I were recently discussing over lunch about various things we were up to, and somehow the conversation led towards people that keeps diaries.

She was shocked that I don't have one..

I remember that I did have one when I was around the age of 11. But I also remember how everything inside it was pretty much completely fabricated to create a whole new world for myself... I think by the time I was 12 I had realised how completely ridiculous the concept of writing a new life for me to lead was. And so I stopped... also that was maybe the start of a whole host of insecurities which I feel constantly plagued by. An example of this.. is as follows.

In this same conversation with my friend, I confessed of how, whenever I write.. now this is quite weird.. so, just... stay with me here.. whenever I write. As long as I remember to do this. I never, ever put "I" with a capitol letter. I remember learning to write when I was a kid and being explained the concept of capitol letters at the start of a name and when writing "I" to show it's importance.. and I thought to myself.. "Well. I'm definitely not important.. so untill I do something worth while, I just won't use capitols in regards to myself." And this indeed is something I have kept up for a long time..
I think I started putting capitols in my name a few years ago, I think around the time of Test Icicles, and we had to fly certain places to play shows, whilst filling out forms, you HAVE to put capitols at the start of your name, no choice. So that stuck I guess. What tends to happen now is a spell check device will correct my "i's" or as i stated before, i'll forget and do it properly.

Anyway.. I am completely happy in life, and Nicole has encouraged me in ways I can't even describe.. so.. history my friends.. This is the first post where i have consciously spelt "i" as "I".

Going back towards a diary. And continuing with this snapshot of my life which no one cares about. I am currently reading two books.

The first book I am reading is an intensive biography of the author Patricia Highsmith.

Famous for having over 12 movies made out of novels she has written, including her first novel "Strangers On A Train" which was made into a quite brilliant Hitchcock movie at the start of the 1950's. She also, and most likely more famous for creating the remarkably remorseless anti-hero Tom Ripley. Who she wrote about in five of her books.

Matt damon portrayed him in "The Talented Mr Ripley".. which, whilst being a film I greatly enjoy I love, is very different to the original novel, but I feel still stands up on it's on accord. For a more accurate adaptation of this story I suggest checking out the French movie "Purple Noon". Her main theme I guess was mainly the idea of people that lived life without feeling guilt, which gave most of her endings a darkly startling, and real portrayal of evil, in life.

Highsmith ever since an early age catalogued and obsessively wrote into her diary with such painstaking detail and amazingly colourful language.. she also sent over a thousand letters a year to various people ranging from family to old work bosses and friends.

She was also one of the most pretentious yet weirdly self loathing people I've ever read about, I won't go on and explain her life to you, but it truly is incredible.. here is Highsmith at the age of 21 just after she graduated from Banards College in new york.

Another book I'm reading right now is the fantastic "Swimming To Cambodia" by Spalding Gray.

A self monologue whilst Gray had to go to Cambodia and act in the movie "The Killing Fields" during all of this he was searching for "the perfect moment"...

I love his movies... his self monologue movies that is.. he's truly the king of this art form!!

Where as I was aware of his writings I had no idea that the movie performance was based upon an actual block of writing he did.. But I guess that makes ALOT of sense. Again, I won't try and re-create the life story of Spalding Gray.

But here's a clip from the movie of "Swimming to Cambodia"

O.k.. what else is going on..

I opened an american bank account.
I'm finally one step closer to being on the grid..this was a strangely euphoric and exhilarating experience..
I decided to reside with CHASE bank, as whenever Halifax would be messing me around, CHASE seemed to always bail me out... ANYWAY.. yes, that was also achieved.

I will spare you the details of my excruciatingly boring bank limbo i'm in.

I'm getting my Non-Matriculate application for NYU ready at the moment.. yup yup.

I didn't finish college, and I always said to my mother that the main reason for this was because I had no idea what I wanted to do. Let alone had the courage to go through with anything. But in the past half a year, slowly but surely everything has started falling into place. I hate to be the "moan about tour guy" but I actually think it somewhat helped, along with Nicole, who is probably the most dedicated , hard working and talented peopled i've ever met. She is one of my idols. And I cant express how incredible it feels to have someone you idolize as your girlfriend.

She is the senior designer at a magazine, and works way beyond the call of duty. Around the clock. There's no set start time or finish time. It's just whatever needs to be done, she does it. And more. All at the age of 23. The encouragement she's given me and the perspective in which I now have been able to see things in is astounding , all because of her.

So i've decided to somewhat start studying again. Various courses in composition and orchestration. I realised that the things I crave , and I think I touched upon this in an earlier blog once... are goals set about in my head, and i've now realised that to reach them, I just need to, do what I have to do. Which is such a cheesey and horribly cliche thing to say, but is also fact. On a side-note, I also realised I rather much prefer for a Music professor to tell me my music sucks than a spotty kid writing an online music blog.

Hopefully, this main course im applying to will work out, at the end there is a performance of the pieces I would have been working on, in the concert hall of the school, if you're in the new york area you should come down.. the performance will also be recorded, so I guess there'll be another record at the end of it haha!! But anyway, obviously im being overtly hopeful and optimistic (i know, i'm not used to that either) and pre-empting the future somewhat.

Various pieces i'm putting forward in my application will also be heard on the next Lightspeed record...which I start recording in two weeks time!!
I'm so excited/scared/terrifified !!!
It's pretty different but not as much as I originally thought it'd be.
If you caught me playing live over the last year well, various versions of a few of the new songs that were played will be on this record.. as well as a collaboration which is so mind blowingly insane for me to even grasp hold of, i'm still convinced it's not happening so much so that I won't even write their name...
But do know this, a couple of years ago this person was in my fake top friends on my personal myspace. Another fact. They had a cameo role in Twin Peaks season two...
For now.. here's a video which you might of already seen, but from last month before my operation when we started on recording the record...

The voice is healing well! Hoorah!
I have a strict routine i'm sticking to involving having to get over my fear of drinking water and i'm not drinking about 5 litres a day. Which is also making me somewhat healthy, it is indeed a strange world we live in.
If you could hear the vocal exorcises I have to do would most likely think I have gone insane, or been listening to too many Damon Albarn side projects.. but, you know.. I think it's actually helping! No singing on the next record, just chanting.

A funny anecdote I just experienced. After that last sentence I sent a text message to a friend saying i'll be round as soon as I finish writing this blog post.
Well, i got my phone the first week I moved to new york and it cost me 15 dollars from Wallgreens... the phone has now been discontinued.. to give you a grasp of how old it is .. the word "blog" was not in the predictive text...amazing.

I had no idea this existed, my mind was blown when it was introduced to me a month ago.. the idea of a website that's sole purpose seems to be "facebook statuses" is crazy to me.. so obviously I joined.

I am now following coldplay (it's not even them doing it!! ) Barack Obama (at least he did some of his.. from his now famous blackberry, a nice tough.. as soon as you add him you get an email stating "barack obama is now following you on twitter-- see my "inauguration post" ), Pete wentz ( ..... ) and.. Ashton Kutcher, and as of yesterday morning, Demi Moore has joined, thanks to kind persuasion from Ashton (Her twitter name is "MRSKUTCHER".)

Now honestly. If I was to be told that in 2009 i'd be able to watch a real time conversation play out between a married Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore, i probably would have shot myself in the face with excitement. I've said this many a time in my life.

The internet is AWESOME.

Finally, it seems i'm soon to be a published writer.. go figure.

A short sci fi story I have written titled "The KKK Took My Bay Away" will be published in a book collection titled "Punk Fiction" to raise money for the "TEENAGE CANCER TRUST".. it will be released in April of this year. And I may be around for the book launch in London.. the reason for THAT is..

The B.F.I. thing I was supposed to do last year has been rescheduled, i'm not sure of the exact date But it is definitely happening.
For those that do not know, I was amazingly asked to re create the soundtrack originally done by Cat Stevens for the comedy "Harold and Maude".

It's such an honour! There will be talks, then a screening of the movie, then I will be performing, all of this will take place at The British Film Institute.

Again, when I have more details, I shall post them online.

O.k.. that's kind of it I guess..I'm still watching alot of movies, still listening to the new fall out boy record, still trying to grow my hair whilst cutting it at the same time..still think Chuck Bass is god, and still do not want to talk to Fifi Brown who slovenly showed me a ridiculously HUGE Lost season five spoiler...

....and now I leave with you.. as I get ready to sort my bank limbo out.. with this classic televison gem from the real wolverine.

Shit really kicks off around the 2:04 mark.

Anyone still interested in me?

sunday 25th january 2009 : the nightmare before christmas op (part one)

(So rap with me.. I don't keep a diary, but from time to time I like to write down snapshots of my life, mainly out of boredom, or frustration of being shit at music.. or both, but anyway... I do this, mainly for my own weird narcissistic amusement. So a while ago, whilst on the plane back to london to have my operation.. and completely struck down with complete petrification. I decided to do one of these "snapshots' that tend to take the form of an essay of sorts...so here it is.. ) :


The Nightmare Before Christmas OP (Part One)

My whole life i've always felt plagued with inexplicable bad luck.

It would take a long time for me to explain every instance where fate and chance had fallen on the negative aspect of my life.. but believe me.. it's true.

It tends not to be big things... I think on a larger scale i'm actually amazingly lucky.. and i'm not trying to take anything for granted. But on a day to day smaller scheme..this is not the case.

My mother knows it, my friends know it... i explained this at the early stages of my relationship with my girlfriend Nicole..feigning risk of sounding like a mad man.

The thing is, for the life of me I can't work out if it's because i casually expect these events to take place that they happen, Or if the goth girl i dated when i was 13 really did put a curse on me, who knows... anyway, to explain this unknown phenomenon in my life, I shall give you a snapshot of how it stands in this very second in time as I type this... this is what is happening.

I am currently on a slightly turbulent plane going back to london from new york..

The reason I am on this plane is because I need to have an operation on my throat which will leave me speechless for a period of time, leaving me to need a form of speech therapy to talk...
The date for this operation was set for the 23rd december, it's the only date free if I don't want to wait for 8 months on the NHS... now because of this, I also have to pay a stupid amount of money I don't really have....

The 23rd December is my birthday.

The Day I found out I needed an operation and my voice was destroyed was the day before I flew back to new york a month ago... I turned up early to the airport ..not wanting to miss my flight and wanting to get back to new york as soon as possible.. but my flight was overbooked (a concept to this day I still, and never will understand the logistics of)..leaving me without a seat..and in london for longer than I intended... i was placed on standby for the next two flights, when finally I was told that I may have a chance on the next flight.

I ran down to the gate, and approached the woman at the front of the que.. I explained my situation and enquired if there were any seats available...


She actually told me this as if it gave her some enjoyment .. or most likely i'm reading way too much into the situation, reality is she probably despises her job and this one out of god knows how many encounters she has in her day meant nothing at all to her..

She then told me to head back to customer services..

At customer services I told the man behind the desk what had just happened.. he looked and typed into his computer, and then looked shocked..

"That's odd.. there's definitely room for you..."

He sent me back to the gate with a small list of instructions.. I ran..

Once I got there, again.. everything seemed to be fine.. and I had quite an enjoyable flight back to new york,,, even joking with the passpot check..until..

"Excuse me, will Mr Hynes please see a member of British Airways as soon as possible.. thank you."

This is what the booming voice over the p.a system at the gate had just announced...

"Uhoh... hahah..." joked the man at the passport check.

I will spare details, but they'd lost my luggage.

I was actually quite calm during all of the above, mainly because, as I stated earlier, I really do expect these things to happen... really... I do...

So yes.. I'm on my way back to london for the said operation now.. and I made sure I checked in online so nothing could go wrong.. i managed to have 3 hours completely free before I even had to consider going through security, I even finished the book I was reading (Horrible ending... will write about that later)..and considered purchasing the original novel of "Marley And Me" which is currently a christmas themed movie featuring Owen Wilson and Jennifer Anniston...after much debating.. I did not buy this book.

Waiting at the gate. Yet again my name get's called over the p.a system... something i've become way too accustomed with in my life..

I walk up to the desk,

"Excuse me, Mr Haynes?"

"Yes.." My name is Hynes, pronounced like the ketchup and beans manufacturers ... but sometimes I just have no energy to state this to people..especially when I know something I'm not going to want to hear is about to be said to me...

"We've had to change your seat, the woman who was placed next to you has a child, and has requested the child has the seat you booked..."

I accepted this... even though I took time out to hand pick my seat online....

I accepted this.

Everything had been too smooth.. whatever.. bad luck is done.. great.

My new seat is not a window seat... in front of me sits the worls most figity dude.. and yes, he is a.. "dude".. if you know what i mean..

I'm feeling hungry, and I actually have taken a liking to airline food in a weird way lately.. like tv dinners in the sky...and I really do like to eat/drink something whilst watching movies, regardless of the arena I'm in...

"Here's your specially requested meal.."

"I didn't request one.." seriously, I could have , but I knew it would be trouble, so I didn't, if there's one thing my bad luck has taught me in my life. Is if you can avoid it.. never complicate matters if you don't have to.. anyway, she carried on..

"Mr Hynes is it?"

"Yes..." ...wow she pronounced it correct!

She carried on.. "Well, if you want it you can have it.. because there's nothing else for you to have, its pasta.."

I can't eat pasta..this is why..

"Is there dairy in it?" I ask..

"Yes there is..."

"Oh, well.. i can't eat it.."

"Right... i'm sorry..." she says looking at the tray.. both of us are staring at the tray, no eye contact.. as if somehow the tray will turn into a roast chicken.. it doesn't..

"Is there anything from this that you'd like to take then?"

I take the bread roll.

I eat the bread roll.

That was my meal.

That's all i've eaten on this plane.. in a seat i didn't choose... on my way to have an operation on my birthday... which happens to be two days before christmas.

To Be Continued....

tuesday 20th january 2008 - inauguration post


Friday 16th january 2008 - Bad/Great Endings (Part Two)

Bad/Great endings and how this outcome effects the memory of subsequent moments of my life leading up to said outcome : Part Two



I'm going to keep this short and sweet,

The poster campaign for this movie was "You won't believe how it ends."

"You won't believe how it ends."

Now let me pose this to you.

Let's say I made a movie, and it was a bank caper...about one of the greatest heists in history... we get towards the end of the movie, and the head of the bank robbers is trapped inside the bank..
The police are all waiting outside..the place is completely surrounded.

The Robber steps outside, holding the bags of money..the police are slowly walking towards him to... slowly because this whole scene is in slow motion... obviously...
But just before they are about to arrest him..

The robber grows a huge pair of wings on his back and flies away.

The End.

"You won't believe how it ends."

Fuck you Saw... I watched all your movies in the cinema as they were released.... i've only ever done that for one other franchise.."Lord Of The Rings"...Lord Of The Fucking Rings....i'm too upset to carry on typing.

Every Will Smith movie made within the last five years...including/especially "Seven Pounds".

Will Smith..

Seriously. For someone that managed to be in a long standing tv show, have a successful music career and be in one of the sickest "U.F.O" inspired movies of all time.. HOW has he managed to be in three of the worst movies I've ever seen. And how have all of them been released this year? And why do I keep watching them?!

I won't even do the movies in question justice by discussing them..(although obviously I will, the movies in question are "I Am Legend", "Hancock" and "Seven Pounds"...but alas.. i'm not going to talk about the ending of any of these movies.)

But.. I thought about this.. what is the one thing in common with all of these movies... apart form Will Smith...

Think about the character he plays..

The lone man saving the world.

Now you may not see this as a big deal. But that's pretty fucked up. Do you know how long a movie takes to get made? Now think about how long he's played this role if you were to add up the length of time from being sent the original idea for a role, untill the day of the premiere?
Every single day, for the last few years Will Smith has woken up thinking.. "Today I am going to save the world..."

Now, I remember a conversation I had a few years back, about how Will Smith was going to be the first black president.. we were wrong, obvs.. but NOW it's seems even more than likely that he can be president one day... just a prediction.. but think about it...


If someone had told me that this was the final episode ever...

I would've been happy, upset, angry, and definitely would've cried.

As it were, there are two more seasons left.. and I knew this as I watched it..

I was happy, upset, angry.. and definitely cried.

TO BE CONTINUED.............

saturday 10th january 2008 - Bad/Great Endings (part one)

Bad/Great endings and how this outcome effects the memory of subsequent moments of my life leading up to said outcome : Part One.

A bad ending really hurts me..I take it personally.. like it was a vendetta against my soul.
I like to imagine whoever created it had been planning it just for me to get to the point of closure, just to hurt me..

Now i'm not just talking about movies..(it's widely known amongst friends that a bad movie will tend to spiral me into a depression that will usually last roughly 4 and a half hours...) but i'm also talking about books, albums, tv shows.. even friends telling anecdotes..But for the purpose of this essay I shall stick to talking about cinema, books and t.v. shows... if i included albums we'd be here forever.. if i included friend's anecdotes you'd stop reading... maybe you already have?

I like to think i'm quite an open minded person.. to me "Love Actually" is up there with "The Notebook"...But I will try and refrain from being opinionated// although this is in itself a stupid notion since I quite obviously am about to be..

Here's the first installment of a long list of essays regarding endings that I find equally Awful, Great and at times a combination of the two ...WARNING - SPOILERS :

1. The Sopranos - Final Scene Ever

I have no right whatsoever to speak of this..

I literally have probably only watched roughly 114 minutes of the sopranos ever in my life...8 minutes and 30 seconds of which was the final scene.. on youtube... I don't even know if i've seen a whole episode..maybe I have... when it started, I think, I know my mum used to watch it, maybe she did until the end, i'll have to ask when I see her...

Anyway.. since it originally aired i'd heard alot about this, surprisingly (or maybe not ) not from anyone I personally know. But from a wide array of parodies and the powerful medium of the internet..

Recently.. the time came where I could not possibly hold my curiosity in anymore.. and I started googling..

My internet is slow. So I first loaded up the final scene on youtube so it could gradually buffer whilst I did my research..

Now..this is something i've done alot in my life.. I am the guy that couldn't be bothered to watch season one of 24 because I knew for a fact that they had more money for the second season, and season three would most likely be alot more commercially aware of itself.. so I read all of season one on wikipedia, then started watching season two.. I finished it in a week, but realised I didn't enjoy the show, and was only watching it to find out what would happen in the final hour..(neither awful or great, hense it does not make the list).. it's the only 24 i've ever seen.

Now, what I was getting at was I went on to wikipedia, and looked up the final episode, So I could get a sense of the story line..

It made no sense..

So I read the whole of season six's wikipedia entry gradually going back and fourth between the overview and the episode guide, it made a bit more sense... so I did this with every episode of The Sopranos...i needed to know the quantity of everything if i was going to get anything out of watching this youtube clip..

At last, it felt as if I was ready... I watched it.



At first I was thinking.. you can not do that... surely you can't do that. I imagined I was watching LOST or another show i'm deeply obsessed with, and if this had happened to me... I would have shot myself... in the head, on the spot.. then afterwards.. having just read the entire sopranos wikipedia..it dawned on me how GREAT the ending actually was.

I had to re-read the wikipedia entry to check over things again.. and online tv sites reviews to see what the general reaction was...

I looked up interviews with Chase the creator to see what he had to say about it.

For those who are still unsure..,

Tony is dead.

I know it's one of those things where you take what you want to see from a piece of art e.t.c..

But no. He's dead.

Bobby states in the episode "Sopranos Home Movies" that how suddenly and without sound death can happen in their lives as gangsters.
Another factor...
A dream at the start of season six basically tells you he's going to die... but i can't remember the facts of that right now.. The man that watches him in the diner all through the last scene, and then goes to the bathroom is another of a million godfather references..go back and re-watch that movie...
Another reference point is in season 6 half way through the season in episode 14 when Gerry Torciano was murdered ..Gerry was already on his way to the ground before Silvio even noticed..
It is said that everything was happening and leading up to this for a a few episodes, we should have known he was going to die, in fact... i'll re-phrase it.. we should have known he was dead, everything is already happening before we have a chance to even notice it..and this is exactly the same for the final scene of The Sopranos finale.

And as Chase himself said.."They had gleefully watched him rob, kill, pillage, lie, and cheat. They had cheered him on. And then, all of a sudden, they wanted to see him punished for all that. They wanted 'justice.' They wanted to see his brains splattered on the wall. I thought that was disgusting....after cheering him on for eight years".

He's dead. It wasn't a fuck you to the audience. It was a really clever way to end a show that was always switching things up, I truly believe any other way to ed the show would have been unbelievably corny and a huge letdown..

But as I stated earlier.. I consumed the knowledge of the show within 37 minutes... not slowly through the course of eight years..

I have no right whatsoever to speak of this.

6th January 2008 - Thnks Fr Th Spprt

Hey everyone!

Wow, well that was one hell of an ordeal.. Everything seems to have gone o.k. though.
A few minor glitches but that's to be expected I guess.
Thank you sooo much to everyone that sent me well wishes, means soo much to me. I can't say that enough without it sounding massively insincere ...but I mean it!

I did alot of writing in my absence. Some stuff about everything that has been happening.. some fictional stories, and others were just essays about various things no one particularly cares about.

Over the christmas period I watched 17 films, which even for me was alot, but when you can't talk or eat and have no instruments, there really isn't that much else to do!! haha... I've been contemplating posting some of these essays and bits of writing on here... but, In due time..maybe tomorrow...or later today.... anyway..

I start voice therapy in a couple of days, or maybe it's just my follow up appointment, i'm not really sure. Either way, roll with the punches, and you know... I still can't really complain about anything..shit happens..and usually for a reason. And I got to spend new years watching Ryan Seacrest live from time square on t.v, with Nicole, which is all I could have asked for!

So anyway, as a thank you to everyone, here are two cover songs, in a zip file. One you've probably heard, one you definitely haven't..i can't remember exactly when both were recorded, one was like a year and a half ago, and one was about a year ago...anyway now you have something to judge my voice with for the next time you hear it... hah...oh god *sob*..

Peace and Forceflex.


Monday 22nd december 2008 - "today is the lamest, day i've ever known..."

I've been trying to write something.. but I honestly don't know what.

I can't believe soo many people are so nice to me.. especially over the internet, it's so encouraging!

I'm really really thankful.. I was considering replying to every comment posted on the last blog post.. but there was no way that wouldn't seem weird..maybe? I'm not sure..

I've written various essays on how i've been feeling, I think most of them are stupid, so i won't post them... I wasn't going to post anything, but fred said that I should..so here it is.

I'm about to head into hospital now, for the operation,(actually, i'm about to go to the bank to sort out my account as someone's been using my card, and i lack my own security code, and obviously, at the same time.. my card is about to expire..but this is the only day I can possibly do this, i actually tried when i found out, but only brought one form of i.d with me, instead of two.. after queing up for half an hour, originally in the wrong que...anyway..) and will be in for a couple of days, meaning I will be in hospital on my birthday, which is tomorrow.. which is such a classic, haha.

I want to keep this short though, and the two main purposes of this post is to...

A : State how thankful I am to everyone.
B: Say that i'm now heading into hospital.
C: Try and pull across how incredibly boring I find all of this..two things.. so i guess
C -1 : I have no time for any of this.
C - 2 : As i mentioned before, i'm really happy in life, and can't be bothered to be sad or upset, which probably sounds stupid, but it's the truth, i've spent too much of my life in some form of a depression, but this is the first time i've ever willingly wanted out you know? I don't want to be depressed...oh god, i hate that word, i was trying not to use it.. and i'm not even explaining this right.. i'd much rather do a blog pot about the new fall out boy record,but my mind just won't let me..and this is basically what i'm saying...

And I guess I just did that...

Anyway.. here's the aftermath... i'm not allowed to talk in any form afterwards for around a week, (birthday,xmas eve, xmas, possibly new years eve...) then I have to start whispering..i'm pretty sure solid foods are out of the question, so no turkey I guess... luckily, that's all i've been eating for the last month..anyway.. then I shall be having therapy to help my voice and should be able to talk around end of febuary.

I don't think I have any words to truly describe how completely terrified I am of the whole thing, every aspect of it, even entering a hospital...
And so in tradition of a horrible string of jokes... I guess there's nothing left to say.

tuesday 9th december 2008 - sonatas for loathing forte

I'm repressed my my hatred and distain for others, aswell as my constant thirst to write great or "classic" songs.
I get upset, deeply.. when I write a song, and I know instantly it sucks, which is alot of the time.. I'm also aware at how ridiculous this is.. and how incisively stupid i am being.

But I listen to all this music, and nearly alway ignites a feeling deep inside me of happiness, distress and envy.. all at the same time.

It's nothing new, i've always felt like this, It comes and goes I guess. I write songs alot... and i mean alot, Most of the time out of boredom.. but phases of constant trying always seem to poke through.

I recall a period a few years ago where I wouldn't leave the house and would try and write non stop in my waking hours, for a fear that if I stopped, then in that precise moment where I went to go to the shops to buy food i could've maybe written an "imagine" or a "real slim shady"... and I would never have known whilst I sipped at my mango rubicon soft drink.

The thing is.. non of these feelings is due to a lust for fame, or a hunger for money.. or even a quest for recognition.
It's all to satisfy something deep inside of me.. God knows what.. some kind of inwards egomania perhaps?

I love stories in music, i read up on great composers ranging from mozart to lennon to the Finn brothers ... and arrangers... and talented musicians, and i want all of it.. even if no one was to ever hear the music I was making.. if only to satisfy what I think is great in my mind.

Which, is why this whole voice fiasco is such a huge blow to me.. the metaphor I used to explain the situation to fred was this... :

Imagine you love sports..all kinds of sports, every single type..it's a part of your life.. in every way... then through some weird circumstance.. you end up on a hockey team.. you've never really considered playing hockey, maybe coaching it.. but whatever, you'll go along with it for the greater name of sport..
You spend a few years playing..you've never had any form of training.. and are convinced you suck.. then a few seasons in.. you have a pretty great time, and learnt to be cool with your abilities, and even start to like how you've been playing..the season ends now.
And it's time to re group and get ready for the next season. You're excited to see what becomes of it.. you're still aware that you're not good at playing, and hate the way you play, but to some level, you've warmed to it.. you've been doing it for a while now, so your confidence has grown..
Ok, time for next season...but coach calls you into his office..

"Sit down son... ok.. here it is.. we;re going to cut off the bottom end of your stick.."

"Why?" you reply back, in disdain and shock..

"No reason really.. I guess... all those games we made you play back to back has worn down your hockey stick.. so we're cutting off the bit you hook the puck with...good luck next season!!"

"Can't I have a new stick?"

"That's impossible... see you out there! Everyone's watching..."

That's what it feels like, that confidence that grew through playing shows non stop for a over a year has now been completely shattered..

When people say they like my music, i'm overtly shocked.. and so so gracious... because honestly, I would never ever expect anyone too, and I truly mean that.. it sounds like bullshit right now, but anyone that knows me can vouch for me, and say that I find it hard to understand, because alot of the time i'm aware of how ridiculous some of the music I make is, whether it be test icicles or lightspeed champion or nigga bullshit... it's never in the middle ground in the songwriting process, it's either pretty much completely made up on the spot with no real thought.. or it's a well thought out plan.(i'm talking strictly from a music perspective right now... not lyrically)...the idea of anyone paying for music i make astounds me! Almost as if my selfish quest isolates me so much I forget that there's other people...and when someone is to say that they like it whilst (for the most part ) I think what i've created is disgusting.. it's such a bedazzalingly great honour.. i forget about my own feelings and realise how lucky I am that i'm in a position where even one person who is not myself or a family member can hear music I create.

The thing is... it's a complex which inevitably will never be solved, as in the most part i despise everything I do...

So if the only source of acknowledgment i truly search for will automatically hate everything that is created... where is the goal?

I'm sure i'll find it...

And I think maybe I have..

Lately everything in my life has been put into such a perspective, a light on subject matters that I'd never seen or truly believe existed has come into my life.

And what was now number one priority in this musical journey has now taking a backstep to make way for something (one) so wonderful.

I'm trying to honour this with all I can.. the only way I know how is through music...which in my head will never be good enough...
And here within lies the catch 22..

But aside from all of this.

Aside from operations on my birthday, losing my one and only camera, losing luggage, losing my voice, having no health, ridiculous amounts of excess stomach acid and a million tiny things i should never ever ever moan about because there's a lot more worse off people and situations.. aside from my weird music complex...

I've learnt to chill out, I've learnt to enjoy everything that comes my way in life, I've learnt to take every opportunity that I face...and because of you>>>>>

I am happier than I have ever been in my life.

monday 8th december 2008 - i'm gonna Li-Lo for a while..

It's time to bring this blog back from the brink of blogstinction....

First of all, thank you soo much for all the kind messages reguarding my voice that I keep getting.. it means alot to me that people care and are nice enough to express it to me.. seriously.. thank you...i'm still waiting to hear a date for the operation... and where I could spend this post writing about all my fears and worries and petrifications... i won't, because who wants to read that!!! Ok.. now to stop being a ghey...(also.. my luggage turned up in the end..but i won't begin with how or why british airways are literally the scum of the sky.. no no, that would take up a whole post).

I've only ever subscribed to one blog before.. and that's on the lightspeed myspace account i get an update whenever Fred updates his blog.. But within the last week.. i've become obsessed and somewhat completely engrossed with another blog.. and I really only read 4.. but this blog even moved me to subscribe to it on my personal acount..

Ok, here it is... I am addicted to the myspace blog of..

Lindsay Lohan.

I wouldn't even know where to begin as to why i'm addicted to this blog..she's only done a handful of posts, but i literally can NOT wait for the next one..

Sample text :

"all grown up and .. an outsider for some nights..

all grown up and .. an outsider for some nights..,
How does it feel to be an outsider?....behind the scenes type of feeling.
Picture this in your head, if you're willing to focus for a second my friends ;)
Washington, D.C.- you're probably thinking that you are going to a monument of
some sort... well, you're highly wrong loves....
Washington, D.C.-you're in a club, you are here for support for someone that you
care for very much, VERY MUCH.. But, you're here just to chill and support, not
to be seen and heard... Not to be on display in the dj booth...or to feel as if you
are in a cage at the Bronx Zoo...
Do you see what i am getting at???
Alright, so i am literally sitting in the dj booth at a club in Washington, D.C. where
Samantha is djing and they have a computer at the back of the booth, which i
am on right now..
aside from the fact that she is an amazing dj and i am having a nice time, the glass
mirror placed to my left to hide me from photos (literally) is making it all a bit

This blog isn't really intended to mean much, it's just something to let people into my life"


In other news, i've lost my camera.. so no more photos such as this...

But more photos such as this..

And alot more youtube videos such as this...


sunday 30th november 2008 - my lack of voice part 2

So i'm back in new york now..

But .. in regards to the last post, it is worse than I thought.
Turns out I have nodes, cysts and various other things horribly wrong with my voice causing some kind of permanent damage due to constant vocal abuse.. (touring..lol).

So I'm gonna need to have an operation and then training and therapy to get my voice back... I shouldn't be singing or talking for a long time.. and almost guaranteed to have ruined my voice somehow, as in it won't be the same. which if i'm completely honest, is quite devastating.. i dunno... i was just coming to terms with my voice I think... ahh shit.. expect and instrumental album from me soon...did I mention i''m completely fucking shit scared of operations? no? well I am..

On the upside i was overbooked on my flight back to new york which meant I had to be put on standby..,, then when i arrived last night turns out they've lost my luggage.. oh wait.. that's not a good thing.


Thursday 27th november 2008 - my lack of voice = no germany

So it's official, my voice is fucked// I'm seeing a doctor, but I dunno.. i've been denying it for a while now, but it's at the point where, for example.. If i sit in a bar, for 5 minutes, and have a conversation, I won't be able to talk the next day, and I wish that was an exageration..

People keep asking what's wrong with me when I talk because it sounds that bad... it's really really annoying.. I haven't been able to demo things as well or as much as i've wanted to because of it.. and anyone that'd had the misfortune of listening to my demos knows how horribly shit my voice is sounding at the moment... and it hurts like a motherfucker too!!

Talking is such a chore, it feels like someone shoved a load of hay down my throat and then threw a match at it.

Funny anecdotes..

Ordering on a day, usually every third day... a day where I literally can not speak at all is usually a complete nightmare, i'd rather go hungry.. this is in new york.. it's bad enough with an english accent asking for an "almond croissant".. but when your voice sounds like a kid jumping on strips of wood with gaps for a breather inbetween, it becomes near impossible.

Once... this happened.. and I could clearly see that there were indeed almond croissants behind the glass counter.. the woman just said after a minute of terrible banter

"No we don't have those.. NEXT?"...

I walked away, head down and defeated...

Anyway//// The On3radio festival appearance in munich is now cancelled due to this ongoing issue, that I should resolve before something horrible happens, and definitely before I start having to track vocals for the album.

Sorry to anyone that wanted to see me play..both of you.

Please enjoy this in my absence....


wednesday 26th november 2008 - Japan..mainly.


I feel i've been somewhat, closed off, or slacking off in my blog posts..it pains me to let down the two people that read this..
I am currently lying in a bed in notting hill.. My dear friend Ferry has let me stay in his spare room whilst i've been in london... I go back to new york on saturday.. where I will begin the next record, more on that later..

So the reason I came to the uk was because I had some shows to play in tokyo.. and obviously, I'd forgotten pretty much all of my songs... we were also lacking a bassist so ferry agreed to step in and help out..

Hi fez!

(ferry trying on a headband on Harijuku St)

The shows were actually incredible, we tried out some new songs, and threw in a cover of Yellow Magic Orchestra's "Rydeen" which everyone seemed to get down too.. at the second show we did, we had to play for a lot longer than usual, and really had only worked on a half hour set.. alot of impromptu band covers arose, including say it ain't so by weezer, was really an amazingly fun show..

Afterwards, somewhat even more amazingly, the J - pop singer Bonnie Pink came backstage to come say hello! A dj who interviewed me for radio the previous night had brought her along to check out the show!! SO SO SICK..

Bonnie Pink at the lightspeed show.

Bonnie Pink doing her thing.


Nicole and I spent a whole day in Akihabara which was truly awesome.. she convinced me to buy some japanese magic the gathering cards.. how do you feel about that?...

In fact, on a cheesy note I can honestly say that I am happy right now in life. Genuinely happy, regardless of any little thing that might bother me from time to time.. I don't think i've ever been this happy before.. and it feels weird, but wonderful at the same time.. ok, i;ll stop being a "ghey" now...

I'm working on alot of things at the moment, and all of it seems genuinely exciting to me... I start the next record NEXT WEEK... i can't wait for people to hear it, the direction it' going in..it's going to be aot of fun and alot of hardwork.. so sick!!
I will talk about that more in a separate post in the near future..

Alot of comics coming your way too...
Also i've been working on a sci fi story for a book compilation.,,

I also need to spend alot more time on THISSSSSSSSS!!!!

I'm sure I originally had alot more to say, and alot of things to complain about, in fact I know I did... but..hmm, it's all gone, so instead i'll leave you with this..

monday 24th november 2008 - sketchy bromance.

saturday 22nd november 2008 - Musical realizations of a cliched kind.

Slowly but surely over the past few months I've come to secure a few conclusions that I know for a fact many, many people in the world have known for quite some time.
But I am usually quite late when it comes to things of this nature.

Maybe it stems from a lack of being able to take orders from people, or maybe some other deep routed mind trick based on an early exploration into the scouts and football teams... i'm digressing..

Whatever the reason, i'm glad I have this thing in me, that needs to undergo months of deep research into artists and their back catalogues..
Here's how it usually begins. it never seems to end...

I will somehow here a song, or maybe read about an artists, or see a cd cover somewhere...let's say I somehow here a song, for example in a movie... I look up the movie, I find the song... I find the songwriter, then I find the performer... then I find what record this song was on, then I see how well this record did... for example, the record flopped... I purchase the flopped record with the good song, then what was the "successful" record..? I get that, what singles were on the record? I look them up on youtube, now say there were 3 records inbetween the flopped one and the successful record.. i purchase those to see what the progression was like.. were there any great singles inbetween, find out, get them.. see the common link in spongwriter, maybe someone else took over duties, spot the common links in the style...maybe they then wrote songs for another group of the same time.. Look those up.. go through exactly the same process, go back to the original artist.. see what was going on in their personal life.... this can be for a rapper, a soul singer a metal band or a pop group, it doesn't matter, but it's usually variations of that same said theme...A pattern I've followed for as long as I remember in my life.. an obsession.

Going back to the original purpose of this blog post..

Here are just a few of my somewhat cliched conclusions over the last few months i've come to discover..I'll try not to be a complete loser and write an essay's wort of details about each artists... i'll just try and carefully use youtube to help strengthen my case..Although as i've stated many a time in this post...I don't really need to as everyone seemed to know these thigns anyway..

1. Tina Turner is one of the most powerful, enigmatic and soul crushing singers of the last half a century.

This last video takes us smoothly into the next conclusion..

2. John Lennon is one of the greatest songwriters and in the truest sense of the words and I definitely do not use this term lightly... one of the COOLEST men to have ever lived.

Ok, that's all I have for today.

thursday 13th november 2008 - fly school abuse sickle.

Hello my friends!!

I will start this post off with an "OH MY GOD WTF!??!" moment...Kanye West mentioning me on his blog...
HOLY FUCKKKKk (not the band)

We're about to make the trip over seas towards Japan and play some shows in Tokyo.. it's gonna be SO SO sick.
Anyway, I thought I better do a blow post as I've been seriously slacking off, as I always get told.. so here's some music i've been vibing off on of late.

Nicole Michalek made me a mix cd..on the cd was this track below..

Split Enz - Six Months In A Leaky Boat

I can not tell you how stupidly obsessed i have now become with the Finn Brothers... look them up yourselves... they used to look like this...

And later on released this...

I hope your mind is as blown as mine is... expect a smokey nautical themed music video from me in the near future...

Frederick Blood-Royale turned me on to this and this band have become our new obsession...COIL. No words to describe it, but know that i've never wished that i was gay ...but as soon as i got into this band everything changed...

I've been obsessively listening to this guy's work, it's phenomenal... and as a cellist... this is ridiculously complex shit!!!

Joe Hisaishi aka.. god.

Finally another Michalek recommendation to take us nicely into Tokyo...

monday 10th november - i hope you don't mind us butchering this classic.

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